


The name he chooses for himself is "Ilaw."

by maruya



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Dead L (Death Note), Gen, Nameless Shinigami (Death Note Relight 1: Visions of a God), Post-Canon, Slightly OOC L, Yagami Light is the Nameless Shinigami, what even is this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:22:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28193901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maruya/pseuds/maruya
Summary: Karma is just divine justice, but for all that L is, he cannot prove it alone.Drabble request.
Relationships: L & Ryuk (Death Note)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4





	The name he chooses for himself is "Ilaw."

It is not true that Mu is nothingness. There is nothing for humans here, sure, but whoever came up with the conjecture would have to have been pretty closed-minded to only consider the consciousness of such limited creatures. L had been in the process of reassessing everything he thought he knew about himself ever since he faced Shinigami... not a long time, to be sure.

Ryuk took him. It is what Death Note owners do to names, to lives. “But where the rest of you goes is not up to us,” Ryuk mentioned. “You end up some other place as dictated by your beliefs and sense of karma. Justice. We just walk you there, in a straight line through the dark.” L had followed the liquid dripping from Ryuk’s mouth on to their path as he munched something shadowy and pulsing. “Crisp and juicy, the downfall of man.”

In Mu, Ryuk took him up to the Shinigami King to find out how he got there and what was wrong with him. L could not begin to look at “The Old Man”, not even His shadow for the fear of ultimate termination; such is Death Itself. When an answer could not be procured immediately, there were talks of a consultation outside the dimension taking place, and Ryuk said L must be pretty special to budge that old geezer off the plane, or at least some place no one could find. L was summoned again, and simply told he could stay if he wanted, so long as he didn’t get in the way of anyone’s work. Ryuk on the other hand had already returned to Earth. (“Not my fault he turned up here, not my responsibility!”)

L observes. He does not feel endangered since he had no years left for them to take, just... powerless which he had never felt since childhood. The Shinigami treat him like a parrot; they ask about human existence and quiz him with mysteries baffling even to supernatural deities. They call him impressive despite “the limitations of his species”, and when they ran out of stories to tell and hear, the excitement fades to passive tolerance for him.

After two eternities of memorizing each inch of the landscape and winning many intricate card games, he asked, “Where is Rem-san? She should have taken me, not Ryuk-san.” They don’t know, they don’t know, didn’t she follow after Ryuk when Gelus disappeared? I saw her, she killed you and some other to save that girl’s life. The Shingami King Himself took her, and no one knows where He takes His souls to. Thus L closed his final case.

He took to watching his disciples in the interdimensional pit where he was told his cause of death used to sit. There was... no fulfillment in seeing them get closer to Kira, seeing them win. L didn’t care for vengeance on his behalf, nor justice for the dead and their loved ones. The dead could not want without anything to live for.

So why couldn’t he disappear entirely?

...

There is a human here. He doesn’t remember ever smelling a human, but he knows what it is. He knows too that it is wrong.

It evades him, possibly scared. The Shinigami squints at a distance and finds only a lifeless name and no numbers. Just beady eyes that looked like they had been sleeping for some time.

“You’ll want speak to with the Living,” the dead man says after the Shinigami had no questions left to ask except one. “I can’t bring myself to be what I once was. Folks say I’ve gone native, even. Ask Ryuk. He spent a few years among them and has a Shinigami’s memory.”

“You do not look dead to me,” rumbles the god. But just to be certain, he goes to speak with “the weirdo” as well.

They say he has _changed_ without dying which no one else has ever done before. Ryuk is cooperative enough with the help of apples (the Shinigami is yet to try one for himself as they are tricky to procure), and monologues about the soul he had attached himself to. Some fool who had thought himself divine. He leaves before Ryuk could finish his tale.

“Are you going down?” asks the dead human, eyes awake. “At last, I’ve figured it out. There’s only one way to leave this place, but I couldn’t find the portal without the Eyes.”

They stand over the last step into the Human World. “ _You_ are going to find someone to take possession of your Death Note. I’ll probably forget by the time we meet again. But will you let me use it someday?”

The Shinigami regards the mortal’s bent and puny form. “Why?”

“There is this soul I am looking for. I don’t know how my need managed to overpower the rules of this world, but I have found a way for us to be together. If you let me possess your Death Note, I will entertain you for as long as I am capable. See how I intrigue you dead! Just think of what I could do among ordinary mortals. Do we have a deal?”

The Shinigami considers this. As inconvenient and sometimes frustrating as they are, he does like a good puzzle... “It will be years until you are literate. And even that is not assured.”

“You’ll just have to trust me, Shinigami-san. Until then, you can entertain yourself however you like.”

“How will I know it is you without your name? Or your current body?”

“I’m certain I’ll find you. Perhaps you might even beat me to it.”

“...Fine,” the Shinigami agrees on impulse. He is a god, after all. What could this inconsequential _thing_ do to hurt his divinity?

He braces against the waiting changes of an existence yet to be lived. He jumps.

“I’ll see you,” L promises, falling with him into endless light and the death of his ego, and everything that wasn’t Nothing. “Light-kun.”

**Author's Note:**

> "Ilaw" [EE-lao] is the Tagalog word for "light." It's got the word "law" in it, so. Literally LawLight.  
> Yes, this isn't canon compliant as L and Watari end up somewhere together in "Relight 2". But I like to imagine L being so tiny and insignificant surrounded by the monsters he fears.  
> Will L decide to do this in canon? Probably not ngl.
> 
> This is an exercise in meaningless writing where I just use words to paint a picture as efficiently as possible, plot and sense be damned. Hope I did well.
> 
> This is part of a series of requests I am currently taking on Tumblr for free so send me a request at [@harayaan-mo-sila](https://harayaan-mo-sila.tumblr.com)!


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